Passion Assassins

Uncategorized Jun 03, 2021

Hello, Beautiful! Welcome to Fashionably LATE with Danne Reed!

In this episode, I am going to share with you my thoughts on Passion Assassins - what they are, how to identify them and how to eliminate them.

Passion Assassins are limiting beliefs, but with a twist. I find that in order to disconnect the negative beliefs that I have from who I truly am, it is easier to envision them as creatures. As little monsters or assassins that are internal in my brain or in my subconscious. They sneak up on me and steal my dreams without me even being aware of them. So I coined the term Passion Assassin because I really believe that that's what they do. These beliefs that we have embedded in our psyche sneak up on us and kill our dreams, kill our best life, kill our best self.

Many coaches talk about limiting beliefs. But I found that few of them talk about how to identify what they are. Many coaches and thought leaders that I found when I first started my personal growth journey, talked about limiting beliefs, but they also talked about how they were subconscious. So how do you access or how do you become aware of something that is subconscious? How do you become aware of something that is below your level of awareness? So I did a lot of research in the beginning of my personal growth journey on how to identify what my limiting beliefs or my passion assassins were.

Today I want to share three of the methods that I discovered for how to identify your Passion Assassins:

- Cliches that resonate

- Obstacles to specific goals

- Meaning derived from failure 


1. Cliches that resonate.

Over the course of your life, you have learned and adopted many cliches. You probably don't even recognize them. And by cliches, I mean those little phrases that are so common to all of us, those little phrases that we all know to be true, such as "money doesn't grow on trees", or "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree".  Those little sayings that everyone has heard of, and everyone understands what they mean, and yet we don't often stop to think about what impact that those little cliches are having on our psyche.

For example, the cliche "money doesn't grow on trees" - Did you hear this often as you were growing up? When you hear that phrase, does it make you think of lack? Does it make you feel less than abundant? Does it make you feel like there's never enough resources to go around?

Think about the cliches that you use or the cliches that you hear often. I'm sure that some of these cliches that we hear are regional in nature. Like, if you live in the Midwest, there's a certain set of cliches that are often used. If you live on the west coast or on the east coast or in new England, I'm sure that there are various cliches that are used more often than others. So just give that some thought and consider what cliches resonate with you.

Notice that these cliches often are a double edged sword. They were originally intended to keep you safe, such as "better safe than sorry". Obviously the intent of that is to keep you safe, but the double-edged sword is that, taken to the other extreme, they can also keep you from living your life full out.

They're usually fear-based in nature. "Better safe than sorry" is telling you that you should not take risks, that you should not take chances. So you can see where they could potentially keep you from having a great life, or being your best self.

The idea is not to put judgment on those cliches, but rather to get you to become aware of them and the impact that they're having on your life.


2. Obstacles to specific goals.

Think of something that you would really love to make happen in your life. Make it something that's kind of a stretch for you - building your dream home, or launching your own successful business. Something that's a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Imagine having it in your life right now.

And then notice what pops up next. It's usually some kind of doubt or some kind of story or some kind of negative belief about it. The thoughts that come next after dreaming of something are often Passion Assassins. Right after you think about how awesome it would be to have your dream, you start thinking about how it couldn't possibly happen for you.

So when you think about specific goals that you want to achieve in your life, the very next thing that comes up is some kind of doubt, some kind of disbelief, some kind of disclaimer. Or maybe you start thinking, "That would be great, but I'll be happy with this. I'll be content with just having what I have already".

There's usually a Passion Assassin connected with having that amazing dream.

3. Meaning derived from past failures.

Think of a failure or something that you feel like you failed at in the past, something that causes you either guilt or regret or some kind of disappointment about something that you tried to do or tried to make happen for yourself, and weren't able to do for whatever reason. Or think of an embarrassing moment in your life. That usually indicates something that you feel was a failure.

And then think about the stories that you have told yourself about that failure. Think of an embarrassing moment from your teen years that you felt didn't work out the way that you hoped it would. And then think about what stories you told yourself right after that failure. And are you actually still telling yourself that same story? Did you convince
yourself that because that relationship didn't work out, that you just weren't meant to have that great romance that you really wanted? Or maybe if you failed that test, you told yourself, you just weren't all that smart, or you told yourself that you just weren't good at taking tests. Or you failed to get into a college that you wanted to get into. Did you tell yourself that you just weren't meant to become a doctor or become a lawyer or whatever? Did you tell yourself that you just weren't good enough to do it or have it?

Think about the times in your life when you felt failure or embarrassment or disappointment, and really get a sense for the stories that you told yourself at that time. And are you still carrying them?

If you are, these are Passion Assassins! They have become a little monster inside of your subconscious that is keeping you from being your best self.


There are several ways that you can eradicate Passion Assassins:

- Awareness. Become aware of your thoughts about what you are deserving of having in your life or what you are capable of achieving, or capable of becoming.

- Affirmations. If you know that you have a Passion Assassin associated with the cliche "money can't buy happiness", create a new affirmation to counteract it, like "money can't buy happiness, but it I'm sure my son's college will take it anyway". Make it quirky, punchy or funny, so that it resonates with you in a positive way to counteract the negativity of the original cliche.

- Extract the learning from past mistakes. When you think back on past failures, are you also thinking about the opportunity in those failures, even today? It doesn't matter how long ago those failures were. Are you thinking about how you can or how you did grow through that challenge? Are you looking at your past experiences as an opportunity to learn and to grow? This is the beauty of mistakes. This is where you become a more fully aware, more fully evolved, a more fully authentic You. 

- Forgiveness. You absolutely have to look back on your past failures and forgive yourself. Know that you were doing the best that you could at the time. If you're still beating yourself up for something that you did in your past, even if that was like last week, seriously, it is time to forgive yourself. And it is time to forgive others in that same way. If there were other people involved in the situation, it is in your best interest to forgive them. It's not about making it right for them; it's about making it right for you.

- Create new stories and a new vision of yourself. When you made those mistakes in the past, you started telling yourself a story about how you were not good enough, or how you were not smart enough, or how you were not deserving or worthy of what you wanted. Once you've extracted the learning from past mistakes, and you have forgiven yourself for whatever your part was in it, it's time to create a new story about that. You no longer have to carry around the weight that you are not deserving, or that you are not worthy. You can create a new story, a new vision of yourself based on what you now know. That Passion Assassin that makes you feel small is not really your true identity. It's a lie. And you do not have to carry it anymore. You can write a new story that is more authentic to you. That's more uplifting.

And what the world needs is the authentic you.  The world needs the true You.

There's one more method that I want to share with you for getting rid of your Passion Assassins. It's my favorite one and the one I use the most and I'll share it with you in the next episode!


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